I read in the news that, in Moscow, a police suspect (‘a fugitive thief’) failed to turn up at court. Now where do you think he went? Somewhere distant? Abroad? No. This ‘fugitive thief’ hid in his fridge. Apparently, the police detective work was sparked by the fact that the fugitive’s mother refused to put her last pizza slices back into the fridge. One police thought led to another and they opened the fridge door and found the thief hidden inside, shivering away. So at what point did hiding in the fridge seem like a good idea? But then I realised we’re all guilty of doing stupid things.
Now, picture this. A school does a rehearsal for their Christmas carol service in the local church and the teacher in charge decides to move things to improve the performance. So what does he move? The musicians? The pupils? The conductor? No No No. He flexes his muscles, bends down and tries to lift the altar. He moves the altar an inch before a shooting pain drives through his shoulder forcing him to drop it. He spends the next day in A & E because he has a torn muscle along his shoulder. I like this story. It’s a pretty picture of poetic justice.
However, there are strange people in other ‘walks of life’ who also do stupid things. One woman working at ‘Pets at Home’ was on her lunch break and couldn’t find her cigarette lighter. What do you propose she did? Did she go to the shop round the corner? Did she ask to borrow someone else’s lighter? Did she go without her cigarette? No. She lit her cigarette by putting it in a toaster, only the toaster wasn’t plugged in. So she unplugged the freezer in order to plug in the toaster to get her nicotine fix. However, she forgot to plug the freezer back in. As a result, the bosses at ‘Pets at Home’ wanted to skin her alive (politically incorrect for a pet shop, I know) because half of their food stock for their animals went off. I mean, what pet is going to eat rotting rat?
Finally, I admit, I have done many stupid things but it’s hard to narrow it down to one stupid thing. As a teacher, I did walk out into the school corridor with my skirt tucked into my knickers which prompted shrill shrieking from two colleagues who ran, much like those supermodels in ‘Baywatch’, to grab me by the shoulders and drag me into the nearest closet. I thank my lucky stars it was the only the caretaker who’d been walking behind me and not the pupils. Thank God for that because, then, I really would have looked stupid.