Unsurprisingly unexpected

Surprises can either make you smile, scowl or shudder and this week has been full of surprises. A woman had a frightful surprise when she found a spider in her bunch of bananas.


The 43 year old found spider’s eggs on several of the bananas and saw, with horror, that they were beginning to hatch. She recognised them from a nature programme amd looked them up on the internet which confirmed her fears. Quickly, she put them in the freezer (safely sealed) and called Tesco customer services. Apparently, the Saturday kid thought it would be wise for her to bring in these same infested bananas back into the store to get her money back; he obviously had his lines to read from his customer service script. Thankfully, the woman had common sense and began to ring various services to get help. Tesco was useless; they couldn’t cope with something so unexpected.

Another surprise which deserved a good deal more than a shudder was a woman’s revenge on her insensitive boyfriend: she bit off his genitals whilst he slept on the sofa because he referred to her as ‘needy’. Needy of psychiatric help, perhaps, or a chew toy. Needless to say, the woman was arrested and charged and, meanwhile, millions of men who read about this shuddered and some may never sleep on the sofa with their eyes closed again.


Talking of ‘chilling’ surprises, there were several cases of ghosts photo-bombing family snapshots this week. One was spotted in Australia where a family were swimming in a creek; another popped up whilst an Auntie took a selfie of her and her nephew.
So what next?
Is Anne Boleyn going to photobomb someone’s selfie outside a history museum in Peterborough? Holding her head up high?

Another surprise which deserved all the scowling scorn I could muster was a man buying his girlfriend a boobjob for her birthday. Unsurprisingly, ‘she flew into a rage’ and then punched and kicked her boyfriend. Now, I have to admit, this made me chuckle. I was surprised at just how moronic a man could be to think that this was a ‘good’ idea. Stupidity received its ‘just desserts’: a damn good hiding.

Finally, there was one lovely surprise that didn’t make it to the news but it was one which made me smile. I read on Facebook that an ex-student travelled from Sydney Australia back to gruesomely grey Essex just so she could surprise her mum with a visit on Mother’s Day. This surprise should make you all smile; it made me have a lump in my throat, but then I’m a sucker for a nice surprise.

Thanks for reading my post.

Kathryn Player


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