THINGS I WOULD TELL MY YOUNGER SELF

What I would say if I was standing, face to face, with my younger silly self…

1) Your face doesn’t have a single line. Be grateful! And you haven’t even heard of antiwrinkle cream.

You just wait!

2) Buy a can of mousse! It’s God’s gift to those with frizz.

3) How, exactly, is Liam Gallagher a pin-up?

4) Tell that old Grotbags of a P.E teacher: ‘No, I’m not ignoring you. I just can’t throw the ball into the net because your ugly eyes and your bad breath are putting me off! RIGHT OFF!’

5) Tell that colleague that you have no intention of making someone ‘a lovely little wife!’

‘I’m going to find a LOVELY LITTLE HUSBAND to pay for the takeaway!’

What would you say to your younger self?

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