What you should know if you’re expecting twins

1) In your third trimester of pregnancy, you will become the size of a Woolly mammoth. A fat one!

2) All the books say you can breastfeed twins. They say you should buy the breastfeeding pillow. If you have superhuman boobies which run on Gummi Bear juice and they’re the size of melons, this might work for you.

3) When they are born, and everything is okay, the relief makes the sleepless pooey nights just about tolerable for 4 weeks.

4) After four weeks you start to look like this…when you become a pro-plus and caffeine junkie.

5) You can get away with walking to the shops with vomit on BOTH shoulders.

6) Friends fight over who’s going to feed your babies. This means you can enjoy a HOT cup of tea. I have some amazing friends!

7) Even after 2 years, your stomach still makes you look 9 weeks pregnant even on a good day!

8) But there is nothing like a double hug to smooth over a bad day.

9) When your twins scream in stereo format, nails on a chalk board sound like strings on a harp in comparison.

10) You have the best biceps in town what with having to carry both toddlers at the same time, one in each arm, like Rugby balls, when they both kick off in Tescos.

11) No one expects you to have another child, whereas mums with one child get asked about this all the time.

12) Your twins can help each other when in times of strife such as when Mummy puts the chocolate biscuits on a higher self. Where there is a ‘will’ plus a chair, there is a ‘way’ and a sister to help.